Friday, November 23, 2007 ; 2:55 AMY
............................
Someone once told me tears are precious, so we shouldnt let them fall easily.
But still my tears fall so much nowadays i doubt how precious they can be.
Everyone says love is blind...but can it be as blind as this?
My love is unexplainable, one-sided but nevertheless unconditional, unwanted but still abundant, unappreciated but still giving, broken so many times but still hoping...
I always thought im not a strong girl...but looking back at the past 1 yr, i realised i was wrong.
Im actually a very strong girl..
I've endured alot of pain and allowed it to happen time and time again.
I've followed my heart and forced myself to put in all effort in something that everyone thinks i should give up on.
I've given up someone who had loved me and instead chosen someone who's constantly looking around to replace me.
I've been forcing myself to forget unhappy things and hope for a better future.
Each time i cry myself to sleep, i promised myself it would be the last time..
But there are so many 'last times', i doubt it'll ever come.
All those times you didnt care, i tried to lie to myself that you really do care, its just that you didnt want to show it.
Those nights i stayed up worrying about our future, i forced myself to believe you do think about our future too..even though you were actually sound asleep and couldnt give a damn.
I've always wanted to be loved more than i love..yet for your sake i gave that up and willingly love you more.
Chance after chance, girls after girls, discoveries after discoveries, lies after lies...
Truth and facts smacked into my face, thrown away so many times but i still find myself crawling back.
So many times i feel that i've reached my limit- be it physically, mentally and emotionally, yet by some miracle i still find strength to go on..
And its all because of my love for you.
Its because of you that im strong and determined to make this work out,
but its also because of you that im totally drained, wasted yet still stubbornly clinging on.
Even after all that i've done, do you still think i havent been understanding?
Do you really want me to just fuck off like u said and leave you to rest in peace?
I love you even more than i love myself.
Its ok if you dont do the same..
But, do you even want me?
