Monday, October 16, 2006 ; 11:05 PMY
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Saw a very happy sharon during her birthday celebration yesterday. Muacks, girl! Hope you enjoyed yourself. All the stress during the preparation was worth it right? Just that its really troublesome la so i don't think you would want to organise another one anytime soon la,right? haha..
Yesterday brought back many bittersweet memories of my own birthday last year. That's why im not looking forward to my birthday this year. Did something i shouldnt have done again yesterday and i really regret it. Sometimes i hate myself for being so weak. Anyway, thanks Aimei. Thanks for going with me to get the candles. Thanks for noticing that i needed company. Thanks to dear rakhee too for making the effort to come back before my birthday. Like i say, im not looking forward to my birthday this year, but im definitely counting down to your return.
Lots of things on my mind now. So much so that once again, i feel the need to sleep a thousand years and wake up only when they are over. Family, friends and relationship. Im facing all of them today. Hai.. i always wanted to be a role model for joanne. I want her to have a happy childhood which i was deprived of. I want her to grow up happy. Have i already failed?? Feel so useless. I think i neglected her in the past year when i was occupied with my own personal problems. Need to spend lots more time with her now...But would that be enough? Hai..
Then just when i was so bothered by this already, i accidentally said something to someone and caused a misunderstanding between him and his gf. Now i dont feel like going to school tmr coz i don't know how to face her. I know its not really my fault but i blame myself. Well, this happens when u r down on your luck. Bad things happen together.
I know that my dear friends are all very concerned for me now. I know you guys don't want me to get hurt again. Hai.. I also don't know why im getting myself involved in this la. But no matter what, i'll think carefully before making any decisions. I won't anyhow step into something and throw all my faith and trust upon it unless im sure it will work out. For now, i will just try to enjoy it and even if it doesnt work out, it will just be another experience gained. Right? (,'')
K la...going to sleep now..long day tmr. Aural at 9am!!! Hai...
